14w3d Tales from the walking dead

Hello all,

Well I had planned on writing 1 post a week after our last one.  Boy that didn’t go as planned! I have spent the last 3 weeks in and out of the hospital for extreme hyperemesis and dehydration.  My last bout left me copped up in a hospital bed for 4 days.  Talk about driving a pregnant woman crazy!  I hadn’t held any food or even water down for approx 60hrs so they didn’t take any chances.  It didn’t help that I was experiencing moderate to severe pains that started around my belly button and migrated to my right abdomen…an ultrasound and MRI later finally ruled out appendicitis. (thank goodness)

I am now not only on Diclectin and Gravol, but my OB has added Ondansetron to the mix and Zantac to help with the heartburn after being nauseous.  On day 2 of this concoction and at least I can maybe hold 1 meal down a day.  Small victories I will take! I still feel like the walking dead and haven’t gotten all of my colour back, but it’s a start.  I am absolutely exhuasted as well!  I can sleep 8-10hrs and then still have a 2hr nap in the afternoon.  Making a human being is hard work!  Making 2 is darn near crazy it seems lol.  I am beyond grateful for these babies and feel incredibly blessed.  I unfortunately wasn’t prepared for the toll it would have on my body, my mental state, my emotions and our family.  I hate feeling helpless and despise asking for help even more.  This has been a whole new eye opening experience for me.

Our twins

As for the babies – they are doing wonderful!  The tech told me that Twin A is 103g (3.2oz approx) and Twin B is 108g (3.6oz approx).  I am starting to feel some light flutters around where Twin B is sitting/rolling.  I watched him/her kick their twin in the head and then roll and flip around so A could get even during my ultrasound this week.  It was absolutely hilarious and it made me feel a bit less anxious to see them again.  Both of them were even sucking their thumbs at one point in the scan.  I am beyond “showing” now and am about as large as I was at 20 weeks with our son.  It is kind of disheartening to see this early as a woman who liked to stay in shape, but at least I know my babies are healthy and growing strong.  I can’t wait until they’re a little bigger and I can feel those first “real” kicks! I may hate myself for wishing for that later, but those movements are what kept me sane with our son.

I promise to strive toward a post a week from here on out.  We have a 3D scan booked for week 27, our anatomy scan with my OB is week 19, and a girlfriend offered to gift me a gender assessment at 16w if I chose.  I am contimplating that one as she wants to join me and DH won’t be able to attend (work).  I think I will discuss with him and maybe have the tech reveal the gender to us by printing them on the ultrasound pics and we can open the results together later that evening.  I want to keep the later scan for sure as the twins will have some more “baby fat” and we can get a full DVD of them, pictures and the whole experience we had with our son.  It was an amazing day and a great way for hubby to bond with the babies that he can’t feel like I do.

Take care everyone!

10 weeks + 1 day

Sorry I’ve been quiet but this so called “morning sickness” has kicked me in the butt!  I can barely keep water down most days and my energy level is at an all time low.  The good news is my scan at 10w went amazing and the twins are doing awesome!

My Twin A is measuring bang on (her) gestation – I say this one is a girl but we don’t know for sure lol.  Twin B is our “heffer” as DH calls (him) and is measuring 2-3 days ahead.  Again, we don’t know genders but we have been having fun guessing.  Both heartbeats are strong and sticking quite similar to one another which makes finding both on the doppler next to impossible.  I may just put that away for the rest of the pregnancy and patiently wait for my monthly scan (haha yeah right).

My OB that took me on is amazing and very laid back.  I already have my ultrasound dates for my entire pregnancy (one a month until 29w and then one every 2 weeks) and he said he will allow me to go to 39 weeks unless myself or the babies are at risk.  Most women I speak to said their OB’s “took” their twins around 37weeks.  Guess we will see how my body does and what these twins do.

 

We are all ready for Christmas and I am thinking we will have to tell our niece and nephew tomorrow night.  My baby bump has “popped” and  I can’t hide it any longer.  DH is apprehensive given our loss this summer, but at 13 and 11yrs old they can understand if something does happen to go wrong.  I will say they are the most polite children on the planet as neither of them has commented on my ever growing baby bump or asked questions.  My MIL hijacked Christmas eve dinner from us as it is “going to be warm” so she wants to BBQ.  I am one unhappy pregnant lady!  I simply asked for the ability to carry on just ONE of my traditions when we are here for Christmas and that is a turkey dinner with all the fixings.  Now we have to keep our turkey frozen and I have to drag my exhausted butt to my in-laws for dinner and gift opening at midnight, as well as keep our 4yr old awake to do this and we won’t get home until 3am.  This also means taking him out into the cold, fresh air at 3am and then expecting him to sleep…yeah right.  He doesn’t sleep in like the rest of the normal human beings when they’ve been up late, he wakes up earlier which means 7am will come way too soon! I am tempted to bring him to my MIL’s at 7am and then go back to bed myself. (they sleep in until 1pm)  Trust me, I am more than happy to have family to spend the holidays with, I’m just disappointed and hurt that our plans were quashed (when we had all agreed) simply becuase my MIL wants to BBQ.  She can do that ANY other night this week since it will be 10 degrees celcius to 16 degrees celcius for the next few days…UGH!

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and enjoy your holiday season.  I promise to check in more often as I am hoping these symptoms will start to lessen now that the placentas *should* be taking over.  Have an extra helping of turkey for me! 😉

6 weeks 3 days

My nurse emailed me back yesterday and scheduled an ultrasound for me this morning at 8:15am. My clinic is amazing as you can see!!

My RE is absolutely adorable (she’s about my age and sometimes it seems she isn’t too sure how to take us lol) and she primed us for the ultrasound by saying “Don’t panic if I don’t say anything right away. I just want to make sure I have a clear view of everything to make sure I don’t miss something before I speak.” I took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself for the “torture wand”…

My RE’s first comforting words were “Well, you defininately don’t have an ectopic pregnancy!” I started to shake and then she followed up with “What you do have is TWINS!!” I think I went into shock. DH just looked at me and grinned. Let me tell you, doing a mix of laughing and crying while the torture wand is doing it’s magic isn’t something I want to do again any time soon! haha

Twin A is measuring 6w2d with a heartbeat of 128
Twin B is measuring 6w4d with a heartbeat of 124.

Both are “perfect” and bouncing around the screen like little jumping beans. 🙂 My RE “graduated” me today and is making a referral for an OB. She’s asking the same OB that took me in April but if he declines (since it’s twins) she will send me to the High Risk clinic at our Children’s Hospital. Only time will tell.

For now I will leave you with our bean’s first pictures!

6weeks 2 days

Hello again,

The past few weeks have felt like they are going by incredibly slow!  It is absolute torture I swear lol.  My ultrasound is scheduled for Dec 2nd which means I have exactly 6 days to get through before I get to either celebrate or go down another rabbit hole.  I feel now there is only 1 growing in there so let’s see if I’m right. 🙂

The past week or so I’ve noticed light spotting and some pretty intense cramping.  I hope it isn’t anything horrible and I emailed my nurse this morning hoping she can shed some light on things, or even get me in for an u/s sooner.  I do have 1 tube remaining and I have had an ectopic pregnancy in the past which resulted in removal of my other tube.  Part of me is scared it’s another ectopic pregnancy that won’t be caught until 7w1d and I’ll likely lose that remaining tube if that’s the case.  I’ve been going back and forth with going in to the local ER to make sure everything is OK, but I feel like the girl crying wolf if it turns out that it’s a simple SCH again.  UGH what do do?!?

I’ll see what my nurse says and go from there.  The ectopic pregnancy in 2008 was found at 7w3d and everything I felt then I’m feeling now.  The cramping was “normal”, the spotting I was told was “normal” as well.

I’ll keep you posted for sure! Fingers crossed and prayers are appreciated.

4 weeks 3 days

Well it’s official…I am PREGNANT!!

Our second beta came back today at 802. 🙂 Our entire clinic staff are rooting for us and it still seems so surreal.  My nurse told me today that she received my results at 7am when she got in and it drove her crazy not to be able to call me ASAP (they do cycle monitoring from 7-9am).  She cried a bit on the phone with me as I expressed my fears, but she assured me that these are VERY strong betas and I should just revel in the fact that I am indeed pregnant.

My ultrasound is booked for Dec. 2, 2015.  I’ll be 7 weeks + 1day that day, so I am certain we will be able to see a little heartbeat (or two). 😉  I’m going to ask DH to take the morning off so I’m not there alone in case we don’t get good news  that day.  I am remaining positive though and I vow to live every day in the next few weeks connecting with our little jumping bean.

DH took the day off today and we went into Port Dover for the “Friday the 13th” motorcycle gathering.  It’s about an hour drive on the bike, but it was worth it!  We drove through rain, hail and 50km/hr winds today so I think we can say we are “hard core” lol.  We walked around a little bit, warmed up with some hot drinks (it was about 2 degrees celcius walking, nevermind when we are going 80-100km/hr) and bought some merchandise.  It was a nice escape from our thoughts and a great way for DH and I to connect again.  These past few months have been a rough road and it’s taken a toll on our relationship.  I am grateful that we both recognize this and make an effort to get back to “us” again.

Symptoms:

Bloating like CRAZY!  My jeans barely fit and I feel like a whale.  At least I have a good reason though. 😉

Dizzy spells – daily it seems I have to remind myself to get up slowly in order to not fall over on my butt haha

Headaches – I am NOT enjoying these!

HUNGER – I am hungry ALL THE TIME!  I have been needing to have small snacks a few times a day in order to keep the grumbling beast at bay.  I am lucky I’m not craving anything though, so I am doing my best to eat as healthy as possible.

Exhaustion – I can barely function by 7pm.  I am beginning to think I need a nap during the day so I can stay away through dinner and bedtime routines with our son.  DH is thankfully very understanding, but I need to be able to get my daily routine done.

 

Hoping this bean(s) sticks for the long haul!  Looking back I realized I have been pregnant 5 times (including this one) in 16mo.  It’s about darn time we are able to complete our family!

4 weeks +1 day – beta results are in!

The results were FINALLY posted online at 3am last night/this morning. Of course I couldn’t sleep so I tossed and turned until my bladder woke me at 3:20am. I took my phone with me and checked the results…

324!!!

I was in shock! I ran back to the bedroom and woke my VERY tired husband. I was crying so hard I could barely speak. I think we were both in shock to be honest, but we managed to fall back asleep.

My nurse called me at 8:50am! This is the easiest beta results phone call I’ve EVER gotten over my 7 cycles. She was screaming and crying as she read the numbers to me. I think actually hearing someone say them out loud is what finally hit home that yes, we are officially pregnant! I started crying with her and she admitted she ran into the office today and searched for my results. It feels great to know that I have this particular nurse invested in my care. I hope we can keep a lasting friendship after this journey is over.

I did tell my Mom that the results were positive. We haven’t spoken much at all since the events after we lost Grace, but she asked so I told the truth. I also made it known that I don’t appreciate her negative attitude and I only want positive thoughts and support, so if she is going to continue to make commenst such as “I hope your heart can handle another loss”, I will not speak to her about this pregnancy. I’m sure it hurt her feelings but I refuse to have any toxic people and/or feelings around me at the moment. I want to actually enjoy the next few weeks!

So our plan now is our 2nd beta tomorrow (results Friday) and if it has doubled, I will get an ultrasound to check viability around 6 1/2w-7w. My clinic wants to ensure that they see a heartbeat at that u/s so that’s why they wait so long. It’s going to be torture, but it will all be worth it!

Vet update:

We took our bully Thor to the vet today for Thyroid tests. He’s gained 22lbs (he’s now 87lbs from August 2015) but he’s also 2 1/2 now vs 14mo. The vet feels his limping is due to a sprain/strain and not an infection in his foot, so she prescribed some pain meds for him. He took the bloodwork like a champ and was back in the room loving us up in no time. We will have the results hopefully by the middle of next week. Worst case scenario is he will need Thyroid medication for the rest of his life. Best case is that his symptoms are stress related from the events of the summer and being left while we attended the concerts. The vet informed us that his breed is quite loyal, so if he’s “imprinted” on me, it could easily stress him out to see me depressed and/or in pain. I feel horrible that I could be the cause of his issues, but I’ve vowed to stay positive from here on out. He’s my rock that’s for sure!

Fears:

I’m still scared that we’ve got twins baking in my oven, but I can’t change anything. I know that a high beta isn’t necessarily an indication of multiples but it doesn’t assuage my fears. Only time will tell I guess. If my beta comes back quite high again tomorrow (more than doubled) I’ll be a bit more worried. I’m staying hydrated, keeping myself fed with healthy snacks throughout the day and taking my medications on time daily. I am determined that this pregnancy will be a healthy one!

I’ll update when my next results are in. But in the meantime I’m OFFICIALLY PREGNANT!! Woo-hoo!! Lucky #7 indeed 🙂

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Beta day (4 weeks)

Looks like I’ve gotten to the point where the control is lighter than my test line!

So today is 9dp5dt and my beta day! I made an appointment for 10am so I could get it done and over with and then get on with my day. Now the waiting game begins…

In an attempt to keep my mind busy and my body relaxed I spend the afternoon at a spa getting a pedicure done. I had received a gift card at Christmas last year and I hadn’t used it yet. I say it was meant to be! The woman that did my pedicure today was amazing and incredibly sweet. She kept me positive and had me taking about my son and our fur baby Thor. It was a great escape from my own mind for 2hrs.

Now I’m home and checking online for my results like a crazy woman lol. I emailed my nurse earlier and asked her to make sure she speaks to me rather than leaving a message. She’s assured me that she will indeed speak to me and will try to call between 9-11am. I sure hope that is the case! In the meantime I used a lab that puts their results online so I’m hoping those will be up tonight and I’ll know before I get the call. At this point I have no issue being neurotic. 😉

I did take these tests last night (8dp5dt) and the Clear Blue digital with weeks indicator this morning. I am at least confident that this baby(ies) have snuggled in for what I can only pray is the long haul. If the online forums are to be believed getting a “2-3 weeks” on the conception indicator means that my beta should be over 200. I guess we will see if that’s true.

I’ll update as soon as I know. 🙂

FINALLY!!

4dp5dt

So I broke down this cycle and decided to test out my trigger again. Typically for me my trigger is out around 8-9 days after the shot.  At 1dp5dt (so 9 days after trigger) there was still a faint line, so I tested again the following evening.  That test was questionable as to whether or not there was an EXTREMELY faint line as the darn vitamins I’m on turned the test screen a nasty yellow colour.

Last night we ended up in the ER with our son becuase he has my “grace” and fell into the corner of the wall.  He ended up with a 1/2″ cut that was about 1/4″ wide so off we went to the Childnren’s hospital.  The entire wait I kept thinking about how blessed we are to have him and worried about being able to “do it again” this time over.  Thankfully he didn’t need stitches and they were able to close the cut with glue and sent us home.  He was adorable and asked to go to school this morning so off he went. 🙂

I tested again last night at 11pm (3pd5dt) and got a faint positve.  I was kicking myself as I wasn’t sure if I was seeing a true BFP or trigger. (I was 10 days post trigger by that time)  I barely slept for many reasons, but I managed to rest enough and at 7am I tested again.  This time it was darker and clearer…It may be early but I am cautiously optimistic that we are pregnant!

Now the new worry is are we pregnant with a singleton or twins…only time will tell.  Beta is Nov 10, but of course now that the testing dragon has reared her ugly head I’ll be testing daily.  Here goes nothing!

4dp5dt

3dp5dt at 11pm
4dp5dt at 7am

Retrieval and transfer

Retrieval:

Well retrieval went way better than I was expecting.  We ended up getting 10 eggs…I was shocked to hear that number at the end!  The doctors that were with me helped a LOT with the pain management during the retrieval.  I wish I had Dr. G for my last few retrieval’s that’s for sure!  She had me “bear down” during each insertion of the needle and it helped me to not need the max amount of drugs.  I was able to recover a lot quicker I found.

The call on the following day from the embryologist was promising.  I had 9 fertlized embryos but one was looking “abnormal”.  On day 3 we still had all 9 (1 @4 cells, 1@5 cells, 2 @7cells, 4@8 cells and 1@9 cells).  On day 5 (Nov 1) we went in for transfer.

Transfer November 1, 2015:

We transferred 2 day 5 blastocysts! They were graded 4BA and 3BA and didn’t need assisted hatching. 🙂 The embryologists were able to freeze 3 out of the remaining blasts (so we have a total of 4 frozen now graded 3BB, 3BB, 2BB, 2BC).  I decided to take my mind off things that day when we got home so we decided to go to our local CFL game and it was the best decision I made.  I was able to have fun, keep my mind busy and I didn’t spend the day laying down and stressing about whether or not this cycle will work.

Here’s to hoping!

Fresh cycle #4 is underway

So I’ve been pretty quiet lately.  I apologize for this, but family comes first.  We started our monitoring for this cycle at the beginning of October.  Unfortunately around the same time my DH’s uncle passed away suddenly in South America so we had to make arrangements to send my in laws down for the funeral.  Add Thanksgiving, our son’s birthday and party and you have a crazy month.

I started the estrogen for my “antagonist cycle” on October 10th. (CD 28 but 8 days after I ovulated)  My good old period came earlier than expected on October 14, so we started stims on Oct 16 (CD3).  275ui of Puregon and 75ui of Menopur.  My first ultrasound was Oct 20 and we found 7 follicles that day between 1.0-1.3. I was excited as our cycle in January on this protocol (just a lower dose of Puregon at 200ui) we didn’t have anything at 1.0 yet (but had 12 between 0.6-0.9)  When I went back in on October 22 I was shocked to hear that we still had only 7 follicles and they were now between 1.3-1.8.  I immediately started crying and asked that my RE call me later that day.  It may sound like a great response, but unfortunately with my severe endomitriosis we have found it has attacked my ovaries.  I am LUCKY to get 1/2 the number of eggs as follicles.  The reality of only getting 3 follilces shattered me.  In my past experience we usually lose 1-2 eggs during fertilization so if we are only left with 1 embryo I will be broken.  I understand “it only takes 1” but in my experience of transferring 11 embryos to date we only have our son.  Trust me, I know just how blessed I am, but when it comes to looking at this cycle it doesn’t leave me too confident.

My RE called me later that day to try and calm me down.  She felt good about my response as all the follicles are similar in size (with the exception of the larger one at 1.8) which to her means good quality.  She said she was confident that she can get an egg from each follicle and then I reminded her about my endo.  Her story then changed to “we will see what the quality is like” and go from there.  I hung up feeling quite defeated and I crossed everything I had hoping my ultrasound on Oct. 24 showed more.

Oct 24 u/s showed those 6 follicles (the larger one was too big at that point) but I had 2 more coming up at 1.5 (6 between 2.0 and 1.7).  I begged the doctor to allow me to go 1 more day in order to have those remaning 2 catch up and possibly give me 8 mature follicles.  I was granted that request (my E2 level was lower than they expected so they said it was a good idea to wait another day) and went in again on Sunday.  That u/s showed 8 follicles between 2.1 and 1.7 with 2 more around 1.5.

I triggered that night at 9pm (last night) and retrieval is set for Tuesday morning at 9am.  Last cycle my husband admitted to me that he felt less “involved” in that cycle (#3) and in #2 than our first cycle.  His reasoning was that he wasn’t giving me the injections.  I was taken aback as I thought he would be proud of me for being able to give myself the injections in the first place! He assured me that he was, but he just didn’t feel as involved or “important”.  It broke my heart to hear that.  He’s the most important thing in my life aside from our son.  I assured him that his “job” in the last 3 cycles has been more important as I need him to take care of our son and distract him while I give myself the injections.  He’s a very curious 4yr old at the moment and he wants to watch me “poke myself”.  Unfortunately as sweet as he is, it increases my anxiety to be watched and I can’t do it. 😦  So every night during injections DH is playing with our son, taking him to the neighbours, watching a movie etc and it is a HUGE help!  So this cycle I vowed I would try and allow DH to give me a few injections.  On the nights I tried of course our son wouldn’t allow it, so I felt horrible.  Last night our son was asleep at the time of trigger so I called DH in the bedroom to give me the shot.  The look on his face made it all worth it.  It did take me 20mins to psych myself up to allow him to do it, but we got it done together.  I told him it seemed fitting that he give me my last injection ever as he gave me my first. 🙂  We hugged and cried together for a few mins afterward and said our silent prayers that this cycle works.

I’m still not feeling too confident but at this point it is most definitely out of my hands.  What will be will be and I can’t change a darn thing.  I am extremely disappointed that we don’t have more follicles (last cycle we had 14 in this size range and another 5 between 1.5 and 1.2 – we got 10 eggs and 9 mature that cycle with 8 fertilizing), but I am hoping what we do have will give us a mature egg.  We do ICSI so fertlization typically hasn’t been an issue for us (luckily).  I cannot put myself through another cycle mentally, emotionally and especially physically so this is our “hail Mary”.  I have my excision surgery booked for Dec. 10, 2015 so if this cycle doesn’t work I’ll be going forward with that before we can even think of a FET (if we have anything to freeze).  I plan to get a full hysterectomy in the next 2yrs if we aren’t pregnant.

I’ll say one thing though, I am proud of our province as they finally have our funding in place for 1 full cycle of IVF to “qualified infertile couples”!  It is supposed to be coming into effect Dec 1 and also includes ALL FET’s with that cycle.  The only exceptions are: 1 embryo transfer only, you have to be under 43, all other avenues must be investigated first (so couples can’t demand IVF off the bat and would need testing and perhaps IUI’s before).  It covers MFI as well so that’s amazing!  Obviously ICSI, medications and freezing/storage are out of pocket, but this is HUGE!  I am hoping they keep the 3 “funded” cycles for bilaterally blocked patients but we don’t know yet.  I am proud to be from Ontario Canada!

 

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  I will update when I’m feeling up to it after retrieval.  The last retrieval was easier than #2 so I’m hoping it’s the same this time.  I feel like I’ve been hit by a Mack truck, but at least I don’t feel like death. 🙂 *fingers crossed*